


Misapprehension

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-01-26
Updated: 2005-03-21
Packaged: 2018-12-27 14:37:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12083115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Everything is not always what it seems. You may find that if you read it once and then read it again, you will see things a little clearer. I cannot put a warning, it'll ruin the first chapter.  Justin and Brian have been together for eight years prior to Gus' birth.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

He stands staring, swallowing down the anger that threatens to surface. He can hear the tick of the clock and the soft tap of the water as it trickles into the kitchen sink, so close and so far away; like death. The sounds of everyone moving in the loft invade his mind, drifting in and out. He shakes his head, trying to silence the voices so he can breathe…think. There is nothing but silence, it beats against the sides of his head like a jackhammer that must not rest until the concrete is broken open, revealing its secrets and lies. He brings his eyes and mind back to the present, making himself take in his reflection. 

‘I would still fuck me,’ he thinks as his eyes continue to scan the length of his body, hands gripping the countertop tightly, like if he let go his soul would slip away. He steadies himself once more and pushes away from the counter, the mirror, himself. He reaches the door and slides it open slowly, pulling everyone’s attention toward him. 

“Brian, I have no fucking idea where you want me to put all this shit,” Mikey says as he places an empty box on the bed and sits next to it. 

“I am sure you can find some place for it,” Brian says as he moves further into the bedroom. He looks past the dividers, so old looking, dusty, like the cleaning lady has neglected to clean them. ‘I’ll have to remind her,’ he thinks.

“Jesus Christ, I thought Brian was into having the minimalist look. The more we move the more shit there seems to be, he must have just bought all this shit,” Lindsay says as she sweeps out a corner that is close to the window. The sun catches in her hair and for a moment he can swear it is pure silk, he knows it isn’t, but its close enough. 

“Now, now, don’t talk about me as if I am not here,” he tells them as he sits on the sofa and looks through the sketchbooks that have not been packed up yet. Some of them are so old that the pages threaten to turn to dusk at the sudden exposure to the sun. He is pulled from his world of memories as Gus got onto the sofa without assistance. 

‘When did he get so big?’ he thinks as he places the sketchpad onto his sons lap.

“Did Jus’n draw these daddy?” he asks his father as he leans into his body, perfectly molding together, as if they were meant to exist in a world that was all their own. 

“Yes, he drew all these, and he has lots more. When he gets here he can show you some of his other things, newer things,” he tells his son. Gus smiles at him as he jumps from the sofa and returns to his own coloring and drawing, so much like his mother and though it is strange to think of, so much like Justin. He watches all his friends, or should he say his family as they help to clean the loft and pack his and Justin’s things. They have finally decided to move, get a bigger place, one that was both of theirs, together. 

He thinks of the day that they made the final decision, they, it still sounds funny. They had decided that something bigger was just more practical. He could remember it like it had happened just yesterday and it has been over two years. Two years and they were just getting around to moving. The journey had taken this long, but it was worth it, worth it, because he could breathe. 

He remembers telling Justin that having both their names on a paper for a joint piece of property did not mean it was a marriage contract. Justin had taken to the bedroom and sulked for hours and in the days that followed Brian had been on the receiving end of a lot of silence. Silence when wanted could be a blessing, but there is some silence that is all encompassing. 

The silence that can come from a lover that is angry, the silence that can follow a bad day or a good fuck, the silence that comes while you wait for a baby to take its first breath or the silence that comes when you realize that the breath of that baby will not come at all, or when the doctor calls you in for the results of your HIV tests, the silence that comes when the lid to your coffin is closed, when you are lowered into the ground and the people who have always given you a reason to live walk away from you. That silence is never ending; it is maddening, drawing even the strongest person to despair and insanity. That silence is beautiful. 

“Hey,” he hears the voice say from its place behind him. They did not hug like some would think after him being gone so long, really just a couple of hours but for them too long. They did not embrace, it was no longer needed, but as the mantra of ‘You may never get another chance,’ runs through his mind he turns his body to the voice and wraps his arms around the blond, taking in his scent and letting it wash over him. 

“Hey, you were gone for a while. I hope that you didn’t go buying anything else because we have enough shit to take with us as it is,” he tells him as he lets him go and returns to the box he is packing full of clothes. 

“No I didn’t buy anything, just some art supplies that I need for a painting,” Justin says as he takes in the mess that is the loft. 

“I did not think that they could do this much damage in just a couple of hours,” Justin says as he sits down on the bed and watches Brian like he has never seen him before. 

“Stop fucking staring at me,” Brian says as if that is the last thing that he ever wants to happen. Justin just smiles slightly as he gets up and passes by Brian and Mikey, heading toward the bathroom. 

“Jesus, it’s so freaking cold in here. I am surprised you two didn’t freeze to death,” Mikey says as he tapes another box closed. 

“We made sure to keep warm,” Brian tells him as he too finishes another box and closes it tightly. 

The hours drag on as they all move around silently but steadily, packing up as much as they could, for today at least. Gus is on the sofa sleeping, having given into exhaustion hours ago. Brian and Justin sit together, side by side on the sofa. Brian can feel the eyes of the group on them both as they all sit there talking quietly and at times enjoying the relative silence, one of the rare good ones. 

“Okay, let’s get out of here, we all have other stuff we have to do,” Debbie says breaking the silence that is threatening to wash over them again.

They all stand and walk toward the door; Lindsay stopping to put Gus’ coat and shoes on. When she finishes Melanie picks him up and heads to the door herself. 

“Goodnight you guys,” Emmett says as he ushers himself out the door, with the rest of the group piling out of the door before him. When the door closes the noise vibrates throughout the now almost completely empty space. They stand together in the kitchen, Brian leaning against the counter and Justin sitting on the counter next to him. 

“I did not think that it would be possible for the loft to look any emptier,” Justin says as he leans back and studies the boxes and empty spaces. 

“Yeah well, just because you like crap in every place you step doesn’t mean we all do,” Brian says as he smiles a small smile at Justin. 

“Oww…what’d you hit me for?” he asks as Justin jumps off the counter and starts to walk toward the bedroom. 

“That was just the start of your punishment,” he says as he climbs the steps. Brian pushed himself off the counter, the counter that he barely felt that he was leaning against, and followed Justin.

The lovemaking, fucking, whatever you would use to describe the act was weightless. It existed in a space and time that was beyond the possibilities of comprehension. It was like fire, if one simple word was enough to describe it. Fire is hot, dangerous and all consuming but beautiful, fed by desire and need. After they had extinguished their flame they sat together on the bed, clothes back in place and completely happy. The bliss of the moment was cut short by the sliding open of the loft door. 

“Who in the fuck is that?” Justin asks as they both moved to stand and approach the stairs. A woman of no more than forty-five was showing a young couple around the loft as if she did not see the two people who were standing so prominently in the space above the stairs.

 

“The kitchen really is a wonderful space and the bathroom and bedroom have all been kept in remarkable shape,” she tells the couple as they walk up the stairs and into the bathroom. Brian approached the woman slowly and without preamble. 

“What the hell is going on? We are not scheduled to move out for another week before this place goes on the market,” Brian tells the woman who ignores him and begins to walk forward. 

He made no attempt to move as the woman passed through him. Yes, passed through him, fully and completely through. The breath that he held was trapped inside him as he turned to look after the woman and when he did he locked eyes with Justin, in time to see him as he slinked to the ground. He rushed over to the man and kneeled in front of him. 

“Did you see that shit? What the hell was that about?” Justin asks as he wills himself to speak, after what seemed like hours, days, or maybe centuries of silence. 

Brian was speechless, he had no idea what was going on but he was starting to feel something within him, like small ripples in a pond. It was barely enough for anyone else to really feel but it was enough for him to know that something was wrong, no not something… everything.


	2. Misapprehension

Let’s take it back two years…

 

The tears were flowing; they had been flowing ever since he had let it sink in that his best friend was not going to come back. He sat in front of the grave silently crying, nervously pulling at the grass around the headstone. It was jet black granite, from far away it was pure black, flawless, but up close it seemed to shimmer, especially in the sun but it was night. Michael loved to come and visit in the dark, it made him feel closer to Brian. He didn’t know why, it just did. He glanced over to his right and took in the letters that made up Justin’s name, chiseled into white marble and casting an eerie glow in the moonlight, the death date just a few months before Brian’s.

“You should see Jenny, she is getting so big. Gus just started kindergarten, he is so smart Brian, you would be very proud of him,” he said into the darkness. Brian lay on his back next to him, spread out in the grass above Justin’s grave, his head resting on his hands.

“I know, I just saw him yesterday and he _is_ getting big,” Brian said to Mikey as he crossed his legs.

“Everyone in the family thinks I should put the loft back on the market. We stopped the sale after the accident but I just don’t think I am ready. That’s the best part of being in charge of all the decisions, they can’t move till I am ready and I don’t know if I am ready,” Michael said as he gave a small smile, wiping the tears from his face.

“I saw that new guy that you’ve been getting close to Mikey, what’s his name? Ben?” Brian said. “Yeah, well… I think he’s perfect for you. He seems to really love you, I say go for it.”

“I have been seeing a new guy for a while now Brian. I think you would like him, he is so fucking hot. We are going to move in together, at least I think, I still haven’t decided,” Michael said. “I have a feeling that you would tell me to just go for it. Actually I know that you would say that. Sometimes I feel like you are still here,” Michael said and when he looked at the ground above Justin’s grave he felt a chill run through him. He tentatively reached out a hand and then quickly recoiled. “I think I am starting to scare myself,” he said with a nervous chuckle as he scanned his surroundings. When he was sure that no one was in the cemetery he lay back on the blanket that he had spread out and closed his eyes.

The air was perfect; the stars were actually visible in the brightly lit city. Michael and Brian lay together in the dark, each thinking and basking in the silence. Brian was almost lulled into a perfect sleep when he felt a hand moving up his chest. He smiled without opening his eyes and grabbed the roaming hand. “I was wondering when you were going to show up sunshine,” Brian said as his eyes slowly opened. Justin was lying next to him with his body facing Brian, one leg outstretched on the ground and one leg bent at the knee with his foot flat on the grass.

“You are going to get in so much trouble Brian, you know you’re not supposed to come here and you do it anyway,” Justin said as he propped his head up on his hand. 

“Yeah well I never did play by the rules,” Brian said with a smirk. “You’re gonna get in trouble too Sunshine, you keep chasing after me.”

“Yeah well, have I ever been able to stop myself from chasing after you? Even when I am pissed at you,” Justin said as he flopped onto his back and looked up at the sky. The hours dragged on and on, the silence welcomed and comforting. Michael glanced down at his watch and let out a very audible sigh.

“Jeez, look what time it is. I gotta go but I’ll try to come back soon. Okay?” he said before he answered himself. “Okay.”

As Michael grabbed his blanket and other things Brian and Justin dissipated, they would come back to see him later. Michael stopped his movements as he felt the soft breeze blow through the cemetery. “Brian,” he whispered into the night, “Justin.” He knew that he was probably pushing it but he was almost certain that they came and sat with him when he came to visit.

**

“Gus please come downstairs, you need to eat breakfast before you go to school,” Lindsay called as she bounced Jenny in her arms. She walked back to the kitchen wondering what Gus could possibly be doing up there.

“Okay Sonny boy, just because you are in kindergarten doesn’t mean that you need to look like a degenerate,” Brian said as he looked through the clothes that hung in Gus’ closet. Gus sat on his bed and kicked his feet as he watched his daddy go through his clothes.

“Daddy, how come I can’t tell mommy that I see you and talk to you?” Gus asked as Brian turned around holding a dark pair of jeans and a black shirt.

“I told you why Gus. If you told them that they would probably take you to the doctor,” he told his son. “Here put these on,” he said as he tossed the clothes at his young son and watched him change. When Gus finally had the clothes on Brian stepped back to look at him. “You look good Sonny boy,” he said. Gus smiled and grabbed his jacket of the hook just as Melanie opened his door.

“Gus sweetie, what are you doing? Mommy has been calling you for a long time now,” Melanie said as she looked down buttoning her shirt. She got the last button done and looked up at her son; she saw his outfit and could swear that she had not left him in those particular clothes. “Umm, Gus come on downstairs and eat breakfast,” she said as she waited for him to get his book bag. She really could have sworn that that is not what he had been wearing.

“Gus it’s so cold in here, do you have the window open?” Melanie asked.

“It’s always cold when daddy is here,” he replied nonchalantly as he bounded past her and down the stairs. Melanie felt a slight nervousness hit her and closed the bedroom door.

Brian sat back on Gus’ bed and leaned against the wall. He loved to be here in this room, it was the one place where he wished he had spent more time. He closed his eyes and thought back to the few times when he had stood in the doorway and watched an infant Gus sleeping. A smile played on his lips as he picked up the unmistakable scent of Justin. 

“I told you that you were going to get in trouble if you keep coming down here,” Justin said to Brian. He sat on the bed and put his head in Brian’s lap. “You know if you keep coming back here eventually you won’t be able to go back,” Justin said. He knew that was exactly what Brian’s plan was. He intended to stay permanently, alive or not.

“How do you know that is not just what I had in mind,” Brian said with a smirk.

“Actually, I figured that’s exactly what you had mind, Why in the hell do you think I keep following you? I am not gonna let you frolic around without me,” Justin said. Brian leaned down and kissed him deeply. Their hands groped each others bodies, the passion evident and relentless. “Mmm, stop. We are not going to fuck on Gus’ bed,” Justin said. Brian was reluctant to pull his lips away, he was very grateful that their sex life had not been affected by their altered states.

“Why not, we’ve fucked everywhere else,” he said as they sat together talking and laughing.

**

“Okay, who is next? Gus, why don’t you go next? Tell us something interesting about your family,” Mrs. Shane said to Gus. He got up from his seat and walked to the front of the class with his head held high. He pulled a hand drawn picture from his book bag and threw the bag onto the floor. 

“This is my real daddy and my ‘love you’ daddy,” he said proudly holding the picture up. Some of the kids laughed and others just looked like they could care less. “They are dead,” he said as if it was the most normal thing to say. The kids all immediately gave Gus their undivided attention; Mrs. Shane had her mouth ready to say something when Gus continued.

“They are dead but my mommy says they still love me, a lot,” he said proudly. “I was sad when my ‘love you’ daddy died, my real daddy was sad too cause now he was all alone,” he told the class. “Then my real daddy died too. My mommy said it was cause he missed his sunshine so much. I missed sunshine too and I wanted to die too so I could be with them,” he told the class. Mrs. Shane was not sure if she should let the little boy continue, he was new to her class and she had no knowledge of his family history. He seemed to be completely comfortable with the subject of death. 

“Gus, I think that we should give someone else…,” she said. Before she could finish Gus was talking again.

“I cried at night cause I missed my daddy and then one night my daddy came and laid down with me. He kissed my cheek and rubbed my back till I fell asleep,” he told them. “Now he comes and sees me all the time, we talk and have fun together. My ‘love you’ daddy comes too and we draw and paint together, it’s just like before they died. He even helped me get dressed today,” he said proudly.

“My daddy says I can’t tell my mommies cause they wouldn’t be very happy, he said they would think I was Looney tunes and take me to the doctor but I don’t care cause I love them,” he said and looked over at Mrs. Shane. The rest of the students clapped and cheered and as Gus picked up his book bag and walked back to his seat they eagerly asked questions.

“Gus, do your daddies really come and play with you?” a little red haired boy asked.

“Yup,” he answered.

“Do they fly and wear white sheets with holes in da eyes?” a little girl asked him proudly.

“No, they look like normal, cept they can disappear and not everyone can see ‘em, just me,” he said as he reached his seat and plopped down. 

Mrs. Shane looked out the window at her class as they ran around the playground. Her eyes focused on Gus immediately and she looked around the classroom at all the pictures that the little boy had drawn since he started at the school, the two men in them stood out to her now as they never had before. She knew what she was going to have to do; she would have to tell the school counselor about what Gus had said so that she could see if his parents should be contacted.

 

AN: It has been brought to my attention that it was a little confusing as to why they did not know that they were dead in the first chapter but they do now. The mystery behind all of that will be revealed. Just thought I would clarify that for anyone who might have been wondering. 


	3. Misapprehension

Author’s Note: Okay, I hope this makes sense. All the things in _italics_ are in the past and all things in _**italics and bold**_ are in the present, being said by an enigmatic party.   
I have to thank Carly for staying up with me, and helping me to carry on (this chapter was kicking my ass), it would have taken forever without her. I also have to thank Pepsi. I couldn’t have finished without that sweet caffeine, LOL.

* * *

Mrs. Shane knocked on the door, she resisted the urge to pound and demand entry. She would not be irrational and overreact. She waited until she heard the invitation to enter. 

“Come on in, the door is open,” the voice called from the other side.

Mrs. Shane turned the knob and walked in. She loved Mr. Henry’s office, it was decorated with the children in mind, toys and different therapy tools littered the bins along the wall and various books, blocks and crayons littered the floor and small table. The walls were painted white and various segments held the eager paint induced handprints of children, the carpet was red and had multi-colored circles of different shapes and sizes scattered throughout its design.

“Anna, nice to see you, how was your day? I know you’re glad it’s over,” he said with a laugh as she sat down in front of him.

“You have no idea,” she said as she ran a hand over her face, stopping to massage her forehead. Mr. Henry picked up on the nervous movement immediately, he worked in the school system now but he was also a child psychologist with a partnership in a very well known clinic. 

“Something wrong Anna?”

“I am not sure actually, but I thought I should run it by you,” she told him as she stopped the nervous twitch and sat forward in her chair, practically leaning across the desk. He leaned forward, a gesture that told her she had all his attention and could continue.

“I have a new student, Gus, Gus Peterson,” she told him. “He had an assignment to draw a picture and say something interesting about his family. He said that his daddies died,” she told him. Mr. Henry looked at her, he did not understand the urgent problem or why he would be needed.

“Anna, it is perfectly normal for a child to try and shock…,” he said. Anna shook her head from side to side quickly.

“He said that he still sees them and talks to them, he said they color and play together and that his daddy kisses him goodnight,” she told him in a hurried breath. “I am not talking about a shock factor story here Bill; he was not trying to shock anyone. He was just talking about what he says he does with his daddies, he even said that his daddy said not to tell anyone,” she said. Bill scrunched up his eyebrows and sat back. “I figured you could see him and then see if his parents need to be contacted.”

“Wow… sounds interesting, I tell you what, I’ll pull his file, look it over and then I’ll talk to him. If his parents need to be brought in I’ll handle it,” he said. Anna felt a surge of relief run through her, the ball was no longer in her possession. 

“Thanks Bill, I feel better knowing you’ll look into it,” she said as she got up and started back to her classroom to gather her things and head home. She had had an eventful day and it was time to relax, so she could get up and do it again tomorrow.

**

“Gus, just eat the damn vegetables, they are gonna make you eat them anyway,” Brian said to his son as he sat at the dining room table, Melanie at the head and Lindsay on the other side, opposite him. Brian sat in the seat to his right. 

“I don’t like them, they taste like grass,” Gus said to his father as he pushed the broccoli with his fork.

“How do you know what it tastes like? You’ve never had it before,” Melanie reasoned. She was rocking Jenny slowly back and forth.

“Jenny doesn’t have to eat it,” he said as he tried to negotiate. 

“Jenny is six months old and doesn’t have any teeth,” Mel said as she laughed. “Eat it Gus, now.”

“Broccoli tastes like shit; you shouldn’t make him eat it if he doesn’t want it. It’s not like he is going to fall apart,” Brian said as he sat back in his chair and looked over at Lindsay. She had small specks of sadness behind her eyes and in a flash her head snapped to attention, staring directly at him. It was unnerving to say the least. Brian stopped all his movements and looked at her looking at him, or rather in his direction. She blinked a few times and then turned her attention to Melanie and Gus.

“Mel, maybe just this once we can let him go,” she said. 

Melanie looked over at her and frowned, “Fine, but next time you’re going to battle with him about eating his vegetables,” she said. “Gus, take your plate to the kitchen and put it in the sink, then go and get ready for your bath,” Melanie said as she placed Jenny on a blanket on the floor.

“You know Gus, your daddy didn’t like broccoli either,” Lindsay told him as a tear fell; she quickly wiped it away as he took his plate and disappeared into the kitchen and then up the stairs. Brian stayed where he was and watched the two women. 

When Gus was safely out of hearing distance Lindsay piped up. “Mel, do you think that Gus is taking Brian’s death a little too well?” she asked. 

“Of course he’s not taking it well, he just puts up a brave front for you,” Brian said from his place across from them. “He does have a little of my lovely personality.”

“Who’s to tell, people handle things differently Lindsay. I mean he is five and to him life goes on, plus Brian only died a couple of months ago, it might not have hit him fully yet,” Melanie told her.

“Yeah, I guess you could be right.”

**

“This is bullshit, pure bullshit,” Jennifer yelled into the phone. She had been on the phone for over an hour fighting with Craig over the bill for the funeral. “I can’t pay for this on my own and I shouldn’t have to, you are his father,” she screamed. She was fighting back the tears; she would not give him the satisfaction of hearing her cry.

“I told you that I was not going to pay for his funeral, it was long overdue in the first place if you ask me,” he said. He said it without thinking, he had said something to her that was supposed to stay in his thoughts forever and he knew, he knew, it was too late to take it back. She had heard him and he couldn’t take it back, damn his temper.

“You son of a bitch,” she croaked as the tears traced their familiar path down her cheeks. She slowly took the phone away from her ear and returned it to its cradle. 

“I’m sorry mom,” Justin said as he sat on the sofa, curled up in a little ball watching his mother. She was holding it together out in the open, the perfect W.A.S.P, but Justin knew that she cried at night, hard and long. He couldn’t blame her, it had not been that long and he missed her too. 

“I miss you Justin, it was not supposed to be this way. You were not supposed to go yet,” she said. She sat down next to him and shuddered, she could never manage to keep the house warm anymore it was always cold now. She sat staring straight ahead, engulfed in silence and as fast as light her head was in her hands and she was crying uncontrollably. It was all just too much for her to take, he had been her baby and she wanted him back.

He tried to go and see Jennifer more often but he just couldn’t stand to watch her missing him, he couldn’t stand it and yet he couldn’t force himself to stay away. The silent cries boomed in his ears, like a small room filled with fluttering butterflies, the wings beating against each other, assaulting the silence and quickening the pulse. To some it would be beautiful but to him it was more than he could take, he couldn’t breath when she cried. Justin vanished, he couldn’t take it.

**

“Gus, let’s go, it’s time for school,” Lindsay said as she gently shook him awake. She went over to the drawers and started to pull out clothes for him to wear. “Okay, put these on, wash your face and brush your teeth,” she said as she put the clothes on the bed and kissed his head before going to get herself ready.

“Okay mommy,” he said as he got up. He did as he was told and got all washed and dressed. He picked up his book bag, carried it downstairs and threw it by the front door.

“Gus, don’t throw that bag,” Lindsay yelled from the kitchen. 

“Sorry mommy,” he said as he sat down in his chair. She placed a bowl of cereal in front of him; he grabbed the spoon and dug in. 

Half an hour later they were loaded in the car and Gus was on his way to school, Jenny sat next to him in her car seat, Melanie already gone to work in her own car. Gus watched the scenery through the window, the cars and the trees, houses and lives seemed to slip by quickly, existing just outside his reach.   
_  
“Okay, here we go sonny boy,” Brian said as he stopped in front of Gus’ school. He was in a hurry and the last minute call from Lindsay to pick up Gus and take him to school was not working into his plans very well._

_“I don’t want to go to school today, I want to go with you to see Justin,” Gus said as he folded his arms and sat back in his seat. Brian slowly rubbed the back of his head, easing the tension headache that was starting to form at the base of his skull. He rubbed until the roots of the headache started to die, until they crawled back into their crypts and went to sleep._

_“Gus, you can’t go see Justin right now, you have to go to school. Justin would not be very happy if you did not go to school, he wants you to grow up and be smart and to do that you have to go to school and learn,” Brian told his son hoping that would be enough._

_“If I go to school now can I see him after?” he asked. He loved to try and negotiate; it was a skill that Brian was sure came from Justin._

_“Of course you can sonny boy, I’ll come and get you myself,” he promised. That seemed to be enough. Gus smiled and began to climb out of the car. He slammed the door of the SUV shut and stepped up onto the curb._

_“You promise daddy, right?”_

_“Yeah Gus, I promise,” he told his son as he watched him walk away, up the stairs and into the building.  
_  
The car suddenly stopped, flinging Gus back to the present. He gripped the door handle tightly and looked at his mother in the front seat.

“Okay Gus we’re here,” she said as she placed the car in park and climbed out. She opened his door and he jumped out, dragging his bag behind him.  
 _  
“Sonny boy, don’t drag your book bag,” Brian yelled.  
_  
“Gus, sweetie, don’t drag the bag,” Lindsay said again. 

**

Mr. Henry sat on the steps by the double doors, close enough to hear Gus talking and far enough away that he was not an immediate threat. He scribbled notes quickly and efficiently, mesmerized by the anti-social nature of the young boy and even more concerned that he was talking and laughing vividly all by himself. He leaned in closer as the young boy swung upside down with surprising ease.

“It is my opinion that dogs are fucking stinky ass animals, and they take too much fucking work. You gotta clean up after them and take them to the vet and take them on walks. Yup, too much fucking work,” Brian said as he stood under his son, watching intently just incase he fell.

“You say lots of bad words daddy,” Gus said with a laugh as he flipped down and started to climb back up and do it again. “Mama says that you shouldn’t say bad words.”

“Yeah, well,” was all he offered his small son.

“I still want one,” Gus said as he reached the top and prepared to turn upside down again.

“That’s because you think that you won’t have to do any of the work, but, I think that mommy and mama would make you do something,” Brian said as he took in the rich sun, it was almost enough to make it all worth it, it was almost freedom.  
 _ **  
You’ll have to choose, soon, you’ll have to choose.  
**_  
Brian shook off the voice and focused on the sun, the warmth…the reality, reality? 

“Daddy, daddy, are you listening to me?” Gus asked. He was still upside down, gripping the bars tightly and taking in the air, the feeling of weightlessness.

Brian was in his own world, the walls crashing in on him and swallowing him whole. Gus fell from his view and piercing white walls expanded around him, the fragrance of impending death and corpses penetrated the air, deceiving his nostrils. The white walls seemed to stretch beyond the limits of space, twisting and turning with the souls of those who had gone before. He knew better than to venture to the end of this space. He stood rooted, fixed to the ground. His legs were made of steel, encased in cement.  
 _ **  
You’ll have to choose, soon, you’ll have to choose.  
**_  
He couldn’t move, didn’t even know if he even desired to move. The decision was made for him as he saw a figure appear far off in the distance, black blazer staining the vast expanse of white; it was close and so far away. He reached for the figure, never more sure as to whom it was. He tried desperately to move, to reach Justin before he disappeared. He couldn’t reach him, he never could. Something was weighing him down, the cement, it was the cement.   
_**  
You’ll have to choose, soon, you’ll have to choose.  
**_   
He looked down, there was no cement. Hands… desires, multitudes of people, they were pulling and groping him, each one wanting their own piece. One person stood separate from them all, wanting not a piece but the whole. No not wanting, demanding. The hands were too much; they climbed higher, pulling him into their sweet oblivion as Justin looked on. Brian reached out to him, barely touching the ends of the white collared shirt that hung loosely under the black blazer. The heat and pain that seared through him when his hands made contact sent a scream through him that came out without a sound. The burning was so intense that his skin seemed to boil with the touch.

“Justin, help me,” he breathed. The words sounded so weak, so strained. They were coated in lead, falling to the floor before they had a chance to live. Justin stepped closer and moved so that his eyes stood level with Brian’s. He reached a hand up to his face and caressed him, slowly and steadily, slowing Brian’s heartbeat and washing him in calm. No words were spoken; they weren’t needed, never had been needed.

Blue eyes swirled with Hazel, the light illuminating from somewhere within them both. “I can’t help you, you have to choose,” Justin said, though his mouth never moved. His eyes however, spoke volumes.

The hands gripped tighter, pulling, yanking…desperate.  
 _ **  
You’ll have to choose, soon, you’ll have to choose.  
**_  
The scene disappeared, as quickly as it came it disappeared and Brian was once again standing under his son.

“I said did you hear me daddy?” Gus asked as he swung down from the jungle gym.

“No, no…sonny boy. I didn’t hear you,” Brian said as he focused on his son. His heart was racing, desperately trying to achieve escape and finding none available. 

“Daddy, you don’t look so good. You look like you did when Jus’n was…,” he started to say, but before he could finish he noticed Mr. Henry on the steps watching him.

“Hey Mister, it’s not nice to listen to other people,” Gus said as he pulled himself up to a sitting position. Bill knew that there was no point in pretending anymore, he had been spotted. He got up from his spot on the step and walked over to Gus.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to listen, you just seemed to be having so much fun over here by yourself,” he said as he looked up at Gus. “My name is Mr. Henry. I work here at the school. Do you think we could talk for a while?” Bill asked. 

He waited for Gus’ answer, the sun beating onto his back making sweat pool on his skin and betray his appearance of calm. He watched as the little boy’s eyes seemed to wander to the space just below him.

“You can talk to him if you want, I am not going to stop you,” Brian said as he shifted uncomfortably. He was fighting off his own demons and swallowing the fear he felt, he would not let Gus see that fear.

“What if I say something that you don’t like and you get mad? I don’t want you to be mad and not talk to me anymore,” Gus said quietly. Bill could hear him and he was trying to appear as if you did not hear the exchange. 

“Maybe you’ll feel better if I go away while you talk to him,” Brian said. “Don’t worry, you can say whatever you want to him, I won’t get mad. Maybe you should tell him that those shoes and that shirt could be exchanged for something better,” he said and with that he was gone. Gus turned his attention back to Mr. Henry.

“My daddy left, he said that your shoes and shirt could be exchanged for something better,” Gus told him. Bill looked down at his shoes and shirt and mentally shrugged, he couldn’t see the problem.

“Your teacher told me your name is Gus,” he said as Gus flipped himself upside down again. 

“Yeah.”

“She also said that you love to draw pictures and that you’re very good at it,” he asked gentle, slowly. He did not want to push, he was afraid of pushing him too fast.

“Yeah, my ‘love you’ daddy loved to draw too. We always draw together, he loves my pictures,” he said as he flipped down and off the jungle gym.

“He did? What’s his name?”

“Jus’n,” Gus answered as the bell rang signaling the end of recess. “I gotta go now, the bell is ringing,” Gus said as he scrambled from under the jungle gym and went to get in line with his class.

**

“Brian, I know you’re there, don’t try to sneak,” Justin said as he wiped the tears from his eyes and looked up at the tall brunette. 

“What happened? Did you go and see Jennifer again?” Brian asked as he sat next to Justin, leaning his back against Justin’s headstone. “Why do you always have to come here Justin? It’s so real in the daylight,” he said as he looked around. He looked at his own headstone and marveled at the choice that Mikey had made.

“She talked to my dad, he made her cry again,” Justin said as the tears streamed down his face, fresh and unchained. Brian took him into his arms and held him tight; no words were spoken between them. Justin needed to cry and Brian needed to be there for him, he always would be.  
 __ **  
You’ll have to choose, soon, you’ll have to choose.**


	4. Misapprehension

AN: I just want to thank all of you guys who are sticking it out through this seemingly ecstasy induced story (although I assure you no drugs were taken, LOL). I know its a little crazy so thanks everyone for staying the course. Everything that seems to make no sense I promise I am going to address it, everything is very deliberate. If you have any questions just ask.

* * *

Bill sat in his office, the file of Gus Peterson spread open. He was amazed at the artistic achievements of the young boy; he also seemed to be highly intelligent. Bill had observed Gus over the course of the week, talked with him in small increments and even played a couple of games with him. He felt that it was time to talk to Gus formally in his office. He closed the file and walked toward Gus’ classroom.

**

“Gus, please get in line,” Mrs. Shane said as the class all waited impatiently at the door.

“I don’t wanna get in line, I’m coloring,” he said to her without looking up, he was submerged in his picture. She approached him and repeated her request.

“Gus, please...get in line,” she said again. He had gotten hard to predict over the last week, she was wondering if talking to Bill was the cause of his current change in behavior.

Bill watched the interaction between the teacher and student for a while longer before deciding to enter the classroom. He turned the knob and pushed the door open, walking over to Gus and bending down beside him. He motioned for Anna to go and tend to the other children, he would deal with Gus. When she had all the other kids lined up properly she escorted them out of the classroom. Bill and Gus were left in the room alone, both fighting for control of the silence. Bill, having a lot more patience, won the battle.

“Why are you here?” Gus asked as he filled the paper with color, bringing it to life.

“I came to see you, I want to talk to you,” he said as he watched the intense concentration that inhabited the young boy as he colored the paper. “I was thinking that we could go down to my office and talk today, I think we would be a lot more comfortable,” he said hoping Gus would accept this simple request. 

“Go away,” was all that was said. Bill was not expecting such a blunt answer to his request. He was well aware that Gus had a tendency to get stubborn so he dismissed the demand.

“I have brand new markers and crayons there, I thought that maybe you could be the first to try them out,” he said as he stood up and started toward the door. “I guess I will just have to get someone else to be the first to try them.”

Gus stood from his seat, grabbed his picture and followed behind Bill. “I wanna be first,” he said and Bill was reminded that he was only five years old. He opened the door and let Gus out first. They walked silently to his office. When they got there Bill watched as Gus took in every inch, he spotted the new crayons and markers and sat down at the little table. Bill let him draw for another ten minutes before he interrupted him.

“Gus, how have you been lately?”

“Fine.”

“Have you talked to your daddy today?” Bill asked. He noticed the closed off nature of Gus today. He was usually alone but never lonely, he was rarely quiet and sad. Bill did not know if he should be more worried.

“No, daddy didn’t come and see me today. I waited as long as I could at home but mommy said that we had to go,” he said. Bill suddenly understood the sullen and moody nature of the boy for what it was. He missed his daddy, he had never had to miss him before and now it was hitting him hard.

“Does your daddy come and see you everyday?” he asked.

“Yeah, he comes everyday and so does my ‘love you’ daddy,” he said as his hand scanned over the crayons that littered the table, searching for the perfect color.

“Justin… right? Justin is your ‘love you’ daddy?” Bill asked as he scribbled a little reminder.

“Yeah,” Gus replied casually.

“Gus, do you want to tell me about Justin?” he asked. He watched as Gus’ hand stilled, he stared at the paper in front of him as if he had never seen it before. Bill got up and went over to him. “Gus, Gus, are you okay?” he asked. Gus was a million miles away.  
 _  
The machines were running and the air smelled like expectations. Gus walked through the loft slowly, clutching at the hand of his daddy with a grip of steel. Justin was laying there in the bed, his head turned toward the window. Brian led Gus over toward the bed, walking around until they were standing in front of Justin’s sleeping face. The light touched him and he was beautiful. Brian touched the side of his face lightly and watched as the blue eyes opened and focused on his face, lips curling into a tired smile._

_He was pale, eyes sunken and body rail thin…kissed by death. Brian took it all in and acknowledged nothing; he sat on the ledge of the bed and scooted closer._

_“Hey sunshine, I missed you today and… I brought you a visitor,” Brian said as he swallowed the tears that pooled in the bottom of his throat, raising Gus off the floor and placing him on his lap. The joy that spread over Justin’s face warmed Brian and sent a blush to his cheeks. Gus sat quietly in Brian’s lap and smiled at Justin, happy just to be near him._

_“I think you’ll be happy to know that I have finally taught that fur ball of yours to use the scratching post,” Brian said as Justin stared at him, the smile evident in his eyes. Brian watched as he began to open his mouth, before his lips parted Brian clamped a hand over his. “Justin, don’t try to talk,” Brian said as their eyes danced together. Justin closed his mouth and looked at Gus, his wide brown eyes were watching intensely._

_He opened his mouth again and licked his lips. Brian noticed the gesture and got some of the ice out of the cup on the nightstand and helped the smaller man eat some. He also took the opportunity to give Justin a kiss, warmth and compassion…love, flowing through them as their lips touched. As they pulled apart they both smiled._

_“Brian, why don’t you go and get something to eat, okay?” he said quietly and weakly, voice barely a whisper. Brian looked into his eyes and then at his quiet son. He got the hint and stood Gus on the floor as he got up._

_“I’ll be right back, okay Gus?” Brian said as his son looked at him and nodded his head. Justin waited until Brian walked out the door; he looked over at the little boy that he had loved all his life and slowly patted the bed. Gus wasted no time climbing up onto the bed. He and Justin lay together, foreheads touching._

_“Gus, you know that I am very sick, right?” Justin asked as he breathed in a shallow breath._

_“Yes, mommy said that you hurt a lot,” he answered. “Why the doctors not making you feel better?”_

_“They are trying Gus but they don’t know what’s wrong. They just know that I am very sick,” he said trying to hold the tears at bay._

_“You gonna get better, right?” Gus asked happily. He saw the unsure look on Justin’s face and the few tears that managed to slip by told him all that his young brain needed to know. He started to cry._

_“Don’t cry Gus, I don’t want you to cry. I want you to know something,” Justin told him as he used a weak hand to wipe away Gus’ tears. “I want you to know that I love you, no matter what I love you. I also want you to do something for me, okay?” he asked as he started to cough. When the coughing finally stopped he was able to take rapid, shallow breaths, willing his body to come back into his control. It was a battle that he was losing._

_“I want you to do something for me,” he repeated and waited for his son to answer._

_“Ok,” Gus answered, worry clouding his voice._

_“I want you to take car of your daddy for me. I know he gets sad sometimes and when I am gone he is going to need someone to talk too so he won’t be so sad. Can you do that for me?” Justin asked weakly, his body struggling to keep him lucid._

_“Yes, I can do it. I love you Justin, I don’t want you to go away,” Gus said as he curled up in a ball next to Justin, face buried in the duvet and cried. It felt like fire against Justin’s sensitive skin. ‘This’ Justin thought ‘is worth getting burned.’  
_  
“No, I don’t wanna talk about Jus’n,” Gus informed him as the color came back to his cheeks. The room was gone, everything was gone. Bill watched as the little boy chased the silence again, submerged into the picture like it was a lifeline. He wanted to press, to get more information, but he knew that the attempt would be useless. 

Bill sat back staring at Gus as his hand started to move again, long lines cluttering together across the paper. Images and people started swirling together… happiness, sadness, change and familiarity, all meeting together on the paper. The images were merging into one and the outcome was distinct. The sun shone brightly over the beautiful day that emerged from the images that made up the distorted picture, recognizable only to the ones who truly looked. 

“You’ll have to choose, soon, you’ll have to choose,” Gus said as he looked down at the colors as they swirled together on the picture. The picture started to shake as Gus’ face faded away, the walls of the loft forming around him, taking there rightful place. Candles and roses littered the floor and table. Half filled wine glasses held their place among the dishes, the amber liquid breathing in the air.

Brian looked around taking in his surroundings, his heart clawing for escape like a frightened and wounded animal. He felt a hand touch his face and almost jumped from his skin. He looked down at the person who had touched him. “Justin,” he breathed. It was barely enough to be heard.

“Where did you go Brian? You were here and then you just seemed disappear,” Justin said from his spot in front of Brian.

“Where is Gus?” Brian asked as the mist continued to clear.

“Gus is not here Brian, he is with Mel and Lindsay,” Justin answered in a whisper. He was getting worried. He had never seen Brian so detached. He looked like death had come to visit.  
 _ **  
Now… you have to choose now. Life with the one you love or death inside of life without him. You choose wrong and you will lose.  
**_  
“Brian, are you okay?”

“I have to choose,” Brian whispered. He said it to himself, trying desperately to control his breathing and to register that he had never left the room, that none of the things he saw so vividly had happened, yet.  
 _ **  
You have to choose. You have to choose. Choose now, life or death…love or loneliness.  
**_  
“What Brian, did you say something?” Justin asked again. He grabbed Brian’s hand and held on for dear life.

“I have to choose,” Brian repeated.   
_**  
Love inside of death?  
**_  
“You don’t have to answer now Brian, I know that it was a surprise. I didn’t mean to spring it on you,” Justin answered as he moved to get up off the floor. Brian stopped his movement and thought about what he had seen. 

He didn’t want to taste how life could be without Justin. He didn’t want the uncertainty of tomorrow or the empty feelings of pity from friends or the bitterness he would feel toward himself. He did not want to live inside of death. He glanced down at the floor where the picture rested in Justin’s free hand, waiting patiently to proclaim their existence, their unity, to the world, while at the same time masking the significance from prying eyes.

“Ask me again,” Brian said as he took the picture and lifted it in front of his face. The image was simple. One side of the picture was a stark white, the other a death gripping black, merging in the middle into a deep gray. 

“Will you accept this picture as a symbol of our unconventional love and even more unconventional commitment?” Justin asked again. He had spent the better part of two months thinking of the perfect way to ask Brian for a more cemented title in his life. He knew that rings would not be appreciated but something from his heart with meaning for them and that held value to only them would be perfect. 

He had painted the picture in no time after realizing that it represented exactly what they were to each other. Complicated, simple, strong, slightly imperfect and when they came together a little faded but softened out. They merged into gray, each one making the other a little more bearable, giving the other just a little more life. Black without white can fade too quickly; white without black can become stained over time. Together they can last just a little longer.

“Brian, are you sure you’re okay? You’re scaring the shit out of me,” Justin said as he took the picture out of Brian’s hands and placed it on the floor. He grabbed Brian’s hands and led him to the bedroom, laying him down on the bed and scooting in next to him. The clouds parted and split their contents as Brian struggled with his thoughts, silence patiently occupying the space.

“We died, I saw it,” he finally whispered. 

“Brian, we are fine, I am fine. We have not left the loft, Gus hasn’t been here…nothing, has happened,” Justin told him as he tried to reassure Brian. “Maybe we should hang up the wine and stick to hard liquor,” Justin said with a small laugh. They sat together on the bed, foreheads touching and fingers clasped together. Soon they were both sleep, wrapped in relative serenity.

The walls fell from Brian’s mind, steel bars strapping into place. Death occupied the space with him, omnipresent and relentless. The sound of his heart was all he could hear as the sweat pooled around him, almost drowning him in the perspiration of uncertainty.  
 _ **  
You gave no answer.  
**_  
“I am afraid, what if he leaves again? What if he dies? What if my cancer comes back?” Brian asked as his thoughts lifted from the haze.  
 __ **  
Better to live life with what ifs… than have an eternity of I wish.  
**  
Brian opened his eyes and took in the person who had weathered the storms with him, the person who served as his anchor and guide, the person who deserved an answer to his seemingly harmless question.


	5. Misapprehension

Brian opened his eyes and took in the person who had weathered the storms with him, the person who served as his anchor and guide, the person who deserved an answer to his seemingly harmless question. He ran a hand down the side of Justin’s face and lay back down next to the sleeping blond. “I chose you,” he whispered into the air. Justin sighed and turned on his side facing away from Brian. Brian scooted a little closer to the man that he loved, pulling the smaller body into his own. 

**

Justin woke the next morning early, slightly before the sun. He felt the warm arms surrounding him and knew that he was loved, protected and cared for. He stayed still for a few minutes listening to the man he loved breath, the breaths relaxed and steady. Justin softly pulled away from the embrace and made his way to the bathroom and then to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. 

When the coffee was done he grabbed the heated cup and walked over to the sofa. He wrapped himself in the throw blanket and gazed out the window and into the early morning. “Is there anything interesting out there?” Brian asked as he came up behind his lover.

Justin didn’t jump at the sudden noise; he had been waiting for it. Brian came around the sofa and Justin opened the huge throw to him, welcoming him like he did every morning. Brian fell into the throw and let Justin wrap his arms around him. Justin handed the heated coffee to Brian and rested his head on his lovers back as they sat in silence. 

Brian’s eyes traveled to the painting that Justin had drawn sitting where they had abandoned it the night before. “There is always something interesting brewing at the dawning of a new day,” Justin stated simply. “It’s the end of so many things and at the same time it is the beginning of many things to come,” he finished as he placed a kiss onto the skin of Brian’s back, pressing his lips there and lingering for a minute before settling his head back into its place. 

“Justin,” Brian said. Justin gave a lazy ‘Hmm’ and waited for Brian to finish. “I never thanked you for the present that you gave me,” Brian said as he turned himself around to face the angelic face. Justin glowed with the essence of everything he didn’t even know he was. Brian took him all in and breathed deep.   
**_  
Tell him.  
_**  
Brian heard the voice deep within him and he swallowed all his reservations. “I never thought that I would have someone that I needed around me just so I could breathe. I never thought that someone could mean more to me than I mean to myself. I…I,” Brian staled; the words were like lead in his throat. Justin brought his warm hand up to cup Brian’s face, chasing away the pressure and the fear with his touch. “Justin, I,” Brian tried again but Justin stopped him, placing his fingers over Brian’s inviting lips. 

“Thank you,” Justin said. Brian looked into his eyes and saw true happiness there. Justin saw the confusion cloud his lover’s eyes and took his fingers away from Brian’s mouth. “You don’t have to say that you love me, because I know that you do. I have always known that you love me but knowing that you _want_ to love me… _need_ to love me, means more to me than just hearing that you do,” Justin said to the brunet. He pressed his lips onto Brian’s and buried his head under the brunet’s chin, not waiting for Brian to answer or acknowledge that he understood what he meant. 

They watched the sun make its full appearance and before it was fully lighting up the sky they were tangled in each other, making love and welcoming a new day…a new beginning.  
**

Back to the end of the beginning...

“Brian, are you sure you are ready to move? I mean it’s taken you two long enough to decide to finally put the loft up for sale,” Lindsay said to him as he sat in her living room playing with Gus on the floor. Brian put the toy car down on the floor and moved to sit in the chair facing Lindsay.

“Yeah, I’m… _we’re_ sure, it just took us a while to get around to it. The place holds a lot of memories for us and to suddenly sell it isn’t as easy as most people would think,” Brian said to the smiling blonde that sat across from him. “I never thought I would do this you know,” Brian said into the air. Lindsay leaned back and rubbed the bulge in her belly that was just beginning to show. Brian smirked and took a drink from the bottle of water he had sitting next to him.

“Doing what? Moving and actually…Growing up,” Lindsay stated with a surprised look on her face. “Or is it that you never thought you’d be letting yourself be loved?” she asked. Brian thought his answer over in his head and looked into the blonde’s face.

“Both I think,” Brian answered. Lindsay laughed and got up to go and check on dinner again. “You better start taking it easy,” Brian said to her retreating back. 

“I have plenty of time to take it easy. Soon I am going to have this baby, drop her or him in their father’s laps and come home and sleep the night away while you clean up spit, shit and throw-up,” Lindsay tossed over her shoulder as she disappeared into the kitchen. 

Brian watched his son playing on the floor and smiled. Justin burst into the door, led by a very rambunctious Great Dane puppy. He took the puppy off its leash and let it walk through the house and out the backdoor. 

“Damn Brian, did you have to have a fucking puppy?” Justin asked as he flopped down next to his lover. “And a fucking Great Dane puppy at that. You do realize that the fucking thing is going to get big as a house?” Justin asked.

“You’re getting the baby you always wanted, so, I get the dog I always wanted,” Brian said as if that made all the sense in the world. Justin smacked him in the arm and looked over at him.

“Don’t compare our kid to your fucking dog,” Justin said with a laugh. “And if you love and wanted that dog so much why weren’t you the one out there walking it and picking up it’s shit?” Justin asked. Brian rolled his tongue into his cheek before answering.

“I’ll remember what you just said when you roll over at two in the morning and tell me to go change a diaper or get a bottle,” Brian said. Justin thought of saying more but realized he was caught in a tough spot so he snuggled closer to his lover’s heat and sealed his lips.

**

“I cannot believe I agreed to go through this shit again,” Lindsay screamed as another contraction hit her. She held her breath and pushed with the pain as she gripped Justin and Melanie’s hands with all of her strength. 

“You’re gonna break my hand Linds,” Melanie screamed as Lindsay tightened on her hand again as another contraction hit her right away. Justin was too pumped to feel the pain as he waited and watched for his son to enter the world. Brian stood beside him watching for any signs of the new life. 

“God, I never thought I’d be this close to twat and be happy about it,” he said as he watched for the baby. After another half an hour the head was visible and shortly after loud shrills could be heard filling the room. The makeshift family was in the waiting room impatiently waiting for news of the newest member.

“Oh my god Brian, he is beautiful,” Justin said as the nurse handed the baby to Lindsay. The exhausted woman held up her hand and smiled sweetly at the nurse.

“Give him to his daddy’s,” Lindsay told her. The nurse turned and handed the baby to Justin. Brian wrapped his arms around his new family before turning to kiss the other blonde in his life. 

“He is beautiful,” Brian said softly. He kissed the soft new skin and whispered gently in his ear.  
 __ **  
“I made the right choice,” Brian said.  
**  
**

“Goodnight you guys,” Emmett said even though it was only the afternoon. Brian and Justin closed the door behind their family and looked around the empty loft and the bassinet sitting in their bedroom. They were not looking forward to leaving but it was time to go someplace new, someplace that was more than just a place to live, someplace that was…Home. They moved to the kitchen and Justin hopped up on the counter. Brian settled in next to him, leaning on the counter, close enough to touch.

“I did not think that it would be possible for the loft to look any emptier,” Justin said as he leaned back and studied the boxes and empty spaces. Brian stood next to him and looked around. 

“Yeah well, just because you like crap in every place you step doesn’t mean we all do,” Brian said as he smiled a small smile at Justin. 

“Oww…what’d you hit me for?” Brian asked as Justin jumped off the counter and started to walk toward the bedroom. 

“That was just the start of your punishment,” Justin said as he climbed the stairs. Brian pushed himself off the counter, the counter that he barely felt that he was leaning against, and followed Justin. He paused to look at the sleeping blond in the bassinet before joining his lover on the bed. 

“Fuck me,” Justin breathed into Brian’s neck as the brunet dropped his weight onto him. They moved into each other and time and logic became obsolete. They sat on the bed after fucking for the last time in the place they had used as shelter through their many storms.

“We got to get a move on sunshine,” Brian said as he rolled out the bed and headed to the shower. Justin followed and they washed each other off and left their mark in the shower one last time. When they finished they repeated the needed shower and got out to get dressed. Time moved quickly and before they knew it they were dressed and standing at the door of the loft, looking in on their memories. 

“This is it,” Justin said as he held onto the small bundle in his arms. Brian wrapped the leash around his hand, holding the happy dog in place. They watched as the realtor walked the young couple through their place and for a split second they saw themselves, standing at the top of the stairs. 

Brian saw himself move forward to stop the woman, to hold her off for a little longer; he needed more time but the realtor didn’t stop, she walked right through him and in that instance Brian felt himself let go of the past. There was no more time for flashbacks and what ifs. He reached his free hand down and grasped onto Justin’s. They walked down the loft stairs for the last time and out the door. It was time for a new beginning and how they started the story was up to them.


End file.
